|
1. |
|
|
|
|
Well, once again, I see that dude made you cry
But he can't hear you, 'cause his head's in the sky
And don't think I'm speaking in some metaphor
He can't avoid 'cause he's seven foot four!
There are things about you he just can't understand
They'd never let him into munchkin land
You're so far below him, you're just five foot two
I'm down here also, I'm lookin at you
You and me see eye to eye
I'm not like that other guy
Hope that you take it for what it's worth
'Cause I'm here in your world and I'm down to earth
Everywhere he goes he bumps his head
You tell him that you love him but he can't hear what you said
When you wanna kiss him, you stand on your toes
It hurts him to lean down but that's just how it goes
See jealousy here ain't the only factor
I am thinking about him and his chiropractor
You and me see eye to eye
I'm not like that other guy
Hope that you take it for what it's worth
'Cause I'm here in your world and I'm down to earth
When he holds you in his arms it makes you feel so high
Well that's one thing that I can't do, I'm not gonna lie
But let me ask you just one thing, tell me how this sounds
Wouldn't you be happy staying right here on the ground?
So go tell your Goliath that he shouldn't step on me
Just because I'm into you and I'm not his enemy
I've got this cute friend, he should give her a call
Her name is Gina and she plays basketball
You and me see eye to eye
I'm not like that other guy
Hope that you take it for what it's worth
'Cause I'm here in your world and I'm down to earth
You and me see eye to eye
I'm not like that other guy
So take me for what I'm worth
I'm right here and down to earth
You and me see eye to eye
I'm not like that other guy
Hope that you take it for what it's worth
'Cause I'm here in your world and I'm down to earth
|
|
2. |
|
|
|
|
Well I met you first day senior year; from the hallway you appeared
You were late to English, it was past 8:30
You caught attention from the class; as you swayed that lovely ass
As you walked down the aisle, and took a seat next to me
When I saw that perfect girl; all the others made me hurl
I knew I had to have you, or I couldn’t go on living
Later on that very day; my heart raced when I heard you say
I want you… to lend me your graphing calculator
Most people I wouldn’t trust; except for those I was in lust
I said okay, I don’t really need it anyway
I did pre cal in my head; because I wanted you in bed
If you think that’s easy, then you’re fucking stupid
I handed in assignments late; then asked you out on a date
And you… said… no
So give me back my calculator so I can subtract my love
My heart, my soul, my love, my tears: you’re none of the above
I don’t wanna make a fuss; just my TI-83 Plus
Put it in my locker, and leave me alone
How can you not want me; with my 1500 SATs
Plus I can quote Shakespeare, and I’m really good at scrabble
“Lord, what fools these mortals be;” triple word score on “quartzy”
How can you not want me, I’m really really attractive
You said, “see that’s just what I mean; you’re the biggest nerd I’ve ever seen”
I said “that really offends me, and I might just cry”
You called me gay, I called you dumb; you’re 17 and you suck your thumb
My diagnosis: a severe oral fixation
You said, “shut up, you little freak; I only suck dick once a week
And I’d never suck yours, not in a million years”
I said, “Baby, that’s okay; I don’t want you anyway”
I’ll never speak to you again, there’s just one thing I need
So give me back my calculator so I can subtract my love
My heart, my soul, my love, my tears: you’re none of the above
I don’t wanna make a fuss; just my TI-83 Plus
Put it in my locker, and leave me alone
|
|
3. |
|
|
|
|
Pardon me, may I be excused?
Man I've really gotta go, so if the bathroom's not in use
My bladder is empty, my bowels are too
Don't have to shit but still I sit
And drop my pants and think of you
Relationships are so much work
I can't deal with how we feel, you're so right to say I'm a jerk
Dating and mating are so very fine
But love and romance can kind of cross the line
And sometimes I just wanna be by myself
Alone in my bedroom with porno on the shelf
I've gotta take a number three
Because I know that I love me and to myself I'll faithful be
So let me take my number three
Because I know that I love me and to myself I'll faithful be
Don't have to take my hand to dinner
Or to the store I know I'll score whatever happens I'm a winner
I'm a puddle you're an ocean
I can't deal with these emotions, someone get me some hand lotion
You and me have lots of issues
But let's not shout we'll work them out but first I gotta find some tissues
The bladder that's holding my libido is filled to the brim I've really gotta go
Self-marriage I must consummate
So let's all go and masturbate
I've gotta take a number three
Because I know that I love me and to myself I'll faithful be
So let me take my number three
When you tell me I don't suit you, Joycelyn Elders, I salute you
Gotta take a number three
Because I know that I love me and to myself I'll faithful be
|
|
4. |
|
|
|
|
Hey darlin’ lady won’t you come out tonight
The present is bleak but the future is bright
You’re all that I think about, you’re my obsession
I don’t give a shit that there is a recession
Despite all we’re up against our love can survive
If we’re true to each other and we dumpster dive
Well I don't care if the market goes under
The sight of you fills me with joy and wonder
When you're around, it's always encouraging
Though you went to Harvard, and you work at Burger King
It's all you can do with a B.A. in astronomy
But when you're in love, there is no economy
Citigroup is crashing, General Motors too
All I want to invest in is you
Hey darlin’ lady won’t you come out tonight
The present is bleak but the future is bright
You’re all that I think about, you’re my obsession
I don’t give a shit that there is a recession
Despite all we’re up against our love can survive
If we’re true to each other and we
Dumpster Dive
Dumpster Dive
Cause tramps like us, baby we were born to dive
Dumpster Dive
Dumpster Dive
Hey darlin’ lady won’t you come out tonight
The present is bleak but the future is bright
You’re all that I think about, you’re my obsession
I don’t give a fuck that there is a recession
Despite all we’re up against our love can survive
If we’re true to each other and we
Dumpster Dive
|
|
5. |
|
|
|
|
6. |
|
|
|
|
7. |
|
|
|
|
In eighth grade I met the girl for me
Tuesday nights on NBC
Knew I had to make you mine
Like a Star Trek nerd and Seven of Nine
Not sure if you’re a freak or a geek
You made me strong when I was feeling weak
You’re good at math but you like the Who
Well Lindsay, baby, I like you
I'm in love with Lindsay Weir
You're meant for me, you know it's clear
I'm sure you know just how I feel
It's sure too bad you aren't real
You danced with the retarded kid
I like everything you did
Not quite sure where you belong
But you never steered me wrong
You were more than just a sitcom
I wish you could meet my mom
Face it Lindz, there is no other
Even though I’m a lot like your brother
I'm in love with Lindsay Weir
You're meant for me, you know it's clear
I'm sure you know just how I feel
It's sure too bad you aren't real
Americans like bad TV
(Come on, you gotta believe me)
For example the OC
(Come on, come outta the TV)
Those motherfuckers got you cancelled
(Come on, you gotta believe me)
Well that’s way more than I can handle
(Come on, come outta the TV)
But you’ll always be close to me
(Come on, you gotta believe me)
I’ve got you on DVD
(Come on, come outta the TV)
I'm in love with Lindsay Weir
You're meant for me, you know it's clear
I'm sure you know just how I feel
It's sure too bad you aren't real
Come on, you gotta believe me
Come on, come outta the TV
For my dad it was I Dream of Jeannie
Come out of the TV screen
|
|
8. |
|
|
|
|
9. |
|
|
|
|
10. |
|
|
|
|
11. |
|
|
|
|
12. |
|
|
|
