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1. |
Should
02:49
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I should be saving for retirement
And I should be saving the environment
I should be doing my taxes and learning to sail
I should practice my backflips while cooking some kale
Ought must should
Ought must should
So why am I sitting here singing this song to you?
When there are 8 million things that I really should do?
Oh shit I should myself again
I should be paying my library fines
I should be painting anti-Trump signs
I should be changing my diet by cutting out snacks
I should be starting a riot to help seals club back
Ought must should
Ought must should
So why do I sit here watching porn while sniffing glue?
When I should be rushing down to torch the city zoo?
Oh shit I should myself again
I should really stop feeling so guilty
That’s right shame on me
I should make my humor less filthy
And show maturity
(RIDICULOUS SOUNDS)
Oh shit I should myself again
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2. |
Bald
02:25
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Crisis of identity
Who’s that weird guy? No it ain’t it me, oh no
For I’m not the boy that I used to be
I’m a grown ass man as you can see
And I think I’ve found my true destiny
Out in the street I get called
Baaaaallllllldddd
I’m goin’ baaaaaaallllllld
See that spot where there’s no hair
You know it wasn’t always there oh no
But time has a way of proceeding
Like hairlines have ways of receding
With this clean dome I’ll need no comb
Destiny best not be stalled
Baaaaallllllldddd
I’m goin baaaaaaallllllld
Once I had a fro, where did it go? Ohhhhh oh no!
Once I had some dreads, dangling from my head but those days are dead
Once I had a mullet.
Baaaaallllllldddd
It's good I'm baaaaaaallllllld
Toupeeeeeeeee
Oh no no waaaaay no toupee
I'm staying baaaaaaallllllld
I’m proud and baaaaaalllldddd
Once more!
Baaaaallllllldddd
I’m goin baaaaaaallllllld
No hair!
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3. |
Floor
02:47
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You say that I should buy a table
I would, if only I were able
But I could not spend a single penny more
And you know that you like it on the floor
You say that I should buy a bed
I'd rather buy some motherfucking bread
Can't eat mattress for breakfast, what do I need it for?
And you know that you like it on the floor
The floor, the floor, you like it on the floor
Never on the ceiling, the windows, or the door
Why would I ever buy any furniture
When you know that you like it on the floor
You say I should go to Ikea
I don't think that’s such a good idea
Why do I need to build it if I buy it at the store
You know what we already have? a floor
You say that I should go to bank
There’s nothing for me there, let me be frank
There’s really nothing lower than my credit score
But well, at least you like it on the floor
The floor, the floor, you like it on the floor
Never in a basket, or a casket, or a drawer
Why would I need more obstacles? I do not do Parkour!
When you know that you like it on the floor
The floor, the floor, you like it on the floor
Never in Chernobyl or Iraq or Jersey Shore
You don't need a four seat dining set to be hardcore
When you know that you like it, you know that you like it
You know that you like it on the floor
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4. |
CVS
03:27
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I’m goin’ crazy in CVS
My baby deserves the best
Crazy in CVS
Get up out my way
‘Cause I’ve got shopping to do
Ain’t got time for you
Yeah I gotta go buy a few hundred paper plates
And some Advil and Tums and some hot pockets
Here I am in the pharmacy
Gotta get wet wipes for my lady
Buy four get a loofa free
I’m flirting with insanity
I ain’t never going to Rite Aid
No Walgreens won’t get me laid
My baby needs band aids
Where the hell are they?
I’m lost like an out-of-towner
Prescription, over the counter
Somebody call the bouncer come take me away
For I’ve frozen my face to the glasses case
Here I am in the pharmacy
Is that Captain Crunch in line with me?
Gonna get sunscreen for the beach
Open all the diapers take one of each!
Now I’m starting to fear
I might never get outta here
Nor get back to you, my dear
Here now, I must stay
Wanderin’ from aisle
Sporting a serpent’s smile
Spent my life in denial, but well, Namaste
This is where I belong with three dollar thongs
And I’m still in the pharmacy
Gotta get a pet shark for my lady
But found a new reality
Oh, some night out it’s been for me!
CVS!
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5. |
Easy Listening (RELAX)
03:20
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Hey there you seem really tense, relax relax!
Really it’s the best defense, relax relax!
Don’t wanna throw out your back, relax relax!
Or upset your digestive tract, relax relax!
It’s time to chill out and be laid back
Don’t be an insomniac, relax relax
Don't you get a heart attack, relax relax
Settle down I’m warning you
Or soon I will be mourning you
Stress is a seriously dangerous thing
Think of all the dangers that it brings
So you’d better stop worrying
Or this will be the last song you’ll be singing
Stress will get you super sick relax relax!
Better get zen really quick relax relax!
Listen to some Enya and relax relax!
Eat pray love in Kenya and relax relax!
Let your troubles roll right off your back
Everything will be ok relax relax
You don’t wanna die today relax relax
You’re gonna get an ulcer
Then become food for vultures
Stress is a seriously dangerous thing
Think of all the dangers that it brings
So you’d better stop worrying
And you’d better start meditating AAAAHH!
Find a brand new spirit path
Light some candles, draw a bath
Lay right down, close your eyes
Wake up, your house is on fire!
Relax! Relax!
CALM DOWN!
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6. |
Vinaigrette
04:08
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Vinaigrette, vinaigrette
Make sure the table’s set
Vinaigrette, vinaigrette
You ain’t tasted nothin’ yet
Stop all yo’ stressing while I sing you this ballad
I’ll bring the dressing if you bring the salad
Or maybe you would settle for a sexy serenade
If you don’t want a dressing I can make a marinade
All the oil separates so shake it shake it shake it shake it
All the boys’ll feels so great they can’t wait to taste it
Vinaigrette, vinaigrette
Make sure the table’s set
Vinaigrette, vinaigrette
You ain’t tasted nothin’ yet
One part is vinegar other part oil
Keep in refrigerator so it don’t spoil
Slather it on spinach or rub it upon romaine
By the time that we finish I just might make you insane
Open up the bottle and go drizzle drizzle drizzle drizzle
It’s gettin’ so hot in here it’s gonna start to sizzle
Vinaigrette, vinaigrette
Make sure the table’s set
Vinaigrette, vinaigrette
You ain’t tasted nothin’ yet
A little bit o’ this and a little bit o’ that
Turn it right around to check out nutrition facts
A little bit o’ this and a little bit o’ that
A little bit o’ sodium and saturated fat
We’re keeping it healthy, we’re keeping it organic
Bring out the red wine, bring out the balsamic
Vinaigrette, vinaigrette
Make sure the table’s set
Vinaigrette, vinaigrette
You ain’t tasted nothin’ yet
You put in on your lettuce, you put it on your chard, my dressing brings all the girls to the yard y'know......
Just like Marie Antoinette, let them eat kale with vinaigrette
Like Romeo and Juliet, Montagues and Capulets, and vinaigrette
Don't play Russian Roulette, just eat Russian vinaigrette
I've got no regrets, just vinaigrette
This song ain't done yet.........
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7. |
Early Rocker
03:34
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I’m a real badass bro with a good guitar
Fab folks flock to all my shows from both near and far
But it would be real great if we started a bit early
‘Cause if I don’t play by 8, well that’s when I get surly
Make love to rock and roll, bathe in all its power
And still make it home at a reasonable hour
Early to bed, early to rock
Lay down my head by 11 o’clock
Some folks they said that I’m a square
But I’m such an early rocker that I just don’t care
I’ve got a REM cycle like you’ve never seen
And you’re lookin just like a the girl from my dreams
You’re grindin up on me because you wanna get dirty
But I’m windin down my evenin’ ‘cause it’s almost ten thirty
So come to bed with me and we’ll be snoring all night
Then I’ll make you eggs in the morning light
Early to bed, early to rock
Lay down my head by 11 o’clock
Some folks they said that I’m a square
But I’m such an early rocker that I just don’t care
Go to bed!
Stay up all day
I’m gonna stay up all day
I’m gonna stay up all day with you
Get the circadian rhythm goin, get that circadian rhythm goin, get that circadian rhythm goin yeah…
Early to bed, early to rock
Lay down my head by 11 o’clock
Some folks they said that I’m a square
But I’m such an early rocker that I just don’t
Early to bed, early to rock
Lay down my head by 7 o’clock
Some folks they said that I’m a square
But I’m such an early rocker that I just don’t care
Yeah
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8. |
My Heroine
04:07
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I was movin’ fast, I was in a big hurry
All the girls around me began to look blurry
Feelin’ like a loser and gettin’ kinda worried
That I’d never find someone
Then I had to slow it down
Like a lens I panned around
Searching through the foreground, scanning through the back
When you came right into focus
You know that you’re makin’ me feel like whoaoahoah
Girl you know you got an appeal like whoaoahoah
I zeroed in, found my heroine, my princess in shining armor
So genuine, love what we’re doin, to let you in is such an honor
Now and again, I encounter a dragon
Try to run away but my energy’s flaggin’
Feelin’ so damn lucky that I can’t help braggin’
That you always rescue me
You hold your own in the fight
You make me feel like a knight
Valiant and stronger, harder and so brave
You bet I will follow your lead
You know that you’re makin’ me feel like whoaoahoah
Girl you know you got an appeal like whoaoahoah
I zeroed in, found my heroine, my princess in shining armor
So genuine, love what we’re doin, I’ll help you win with all the honor
You know that you’re makin’ me feel like whoaoahoah
Girl you know you got an appeal like whoaoahoah
I zeroed in, found my heroine, my princess in shining armor
So genuine, love what we’re doin, to let you in is such an honor
I’ll help you win and with all the honor
It’s a win win with all the honor
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9. |
||||
Strumming on roofs and under bus shelters
Singing Dear Prudence and Helter Skelter
And other tracks off of the White Album
We’re ‘bout as black as powder of talcum
But listen while I play you some Chuck Berry all right
Tryin’ to be different but I’m not because I’m
Just another white guy playin’ guitar
Wherever you go, there we are!
You can try to run but you’ll never be far
From another white guy playin’ guitar
Taking smooth tokes of good marijuana
Playing smooth folk or Americana
At open mics at one in the morning
Sounds pretty nice, gets pretty boring
Fondling my fender while I make out with the mic
Tryin’ to be different but you know I’m just like
All the other white guys playin’ guitar
Wherever you go, there we are!
You can try to run but you’ll never be far
From another white guy playin’ guitar
Maybe I should take up the harmonica
Or perhaps the bagpipes or melodica
Or transition to electronica
Or become a writer of erotica
Just another white guy playin’ guitar
Wherever you go, there we are!
You can try to run but you’ll never be far
From another white guy playin’ guitar
Playing guitar, playing guitar……
White guy playing guitar!
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10. |
Adult
03:34
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Drivin’ the speed limit in my clean car
Listenin’ to No Limits on NPR
Feel so courageous in my Subaru
Craze so contagious it might take you too
Mmmmm, mmmm yeah yeah
Mmmmm, mmmm yeah yeah
I got a mortgage, lots of insurance
Eat loads of fiber, I watch MacGyver
All I wanna do is adult
All I wanna do is adult
All I wanna do is a
All I wanna do is a
All I wanna do is adult
In past generations it wasn’t a thing
A brand new sensation it’s called adulting
And I’ve been kidding around for too long
But now it’s a comin’ around me so strong
Mmmmm, mmmm yeah yeah
Mmmmm, mmmm yeah yeah
Right now my wish is to do the dishes
Take out the trash bin, take baby aspirin
All I wanna do is adult
All I wanna do is adult
All I wanna do is a
All I wanna do is a
All I wanna do is adult
It’s time to write my will
Because I might get killed
Lower cholesterol
Limit my alcohol
Get a ROTH IRA
What’s a ROTH IRA?
I don’t know but it sounds sexy
Learn to cook with cumin, listen to Randy Newman
Learn to cook with cumin, groove to Randy Newman
All I wanna do is adult
All I wanna do is adult
All I wanna do is a
All I wanna do is a
All I wanna do is adult
All I wanna do is a
All I wanna do is a
All I wanna do is adult until it’s time to die
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11. |
Binary Bride
03:27
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I was in terror, a menacing error upon my screen
I couldn’t log in, so I used my noggin and called IT
I brought you my PC, you fixed it so easy while looking cute
Then I started dealing with fabulous feelings I can’t compute
Let’s go to the library
Won’t you be my
Binary bride, you read me like code
Binary bride, you need me in your life
You are my hero, yes you’re so much fun
I am the zero for you are the one
You’re hotter than lava and fluent in java let’s share the night
May I be your man for my heart holds more than a terabyte
So glad you found me, wrap yourself around me like a python
Turn up the volume, I promise you I’ll do the best icon
Won’t you be my primary
Won’t you be my
Binary bride, you read me like code
Binary bride, you need me in your life
You are my hero, yes you’re so much fun
I am the zero for you are the one
I don’t really care if you barely go outside
All that matters to me is that you’re my
Binary bride, you read me like code
Binary bride, you need me in your life
You are my hero, yes you’re so much fun
I am the zero for you are the one
I am the zero for you are the one
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12. |
Trike Up a Storm
04:21
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Come on everybody, better get out my way
Kept down long enough, I am a man today
Ready to hit the town, let there be no mistake
Inhale the sweet smoke of three candles on the cake
I tell you what to do, I’m the lord of this crib
All done with peek a boo, get my Versace bib
Too cool for preschool, cold as an icicle
Done with the stroller, time for the tricycle
Take this town gonna trike up a storm
Three long years since the day I was born
Round and round let’s trike up a storm
Three big wheels and ready for more
Rollin’ down the driveway, rims gleaming in the sun
No one gets in my way, it’s time to have fun
Pop wheelies in the air, playin’ with fire
No hands and no breaks, no pacifier!
Take this town gonna trike up a storm
Three long years since the day I was born
Round and round let’s trike up a storm
Three big wheels and ready for more
On the block they call him the viper in a diaper
If he drinks juice after five he gets a little hyper
Thirty six months he’s been chained, held and burped and potty trained
He will take you down just like a sniper
Listen here dad, if that’s even your real name
No more hide and seek, ‘cause I’m tired of your games
I am my own man now, that you can’t deny
I want the whole world to hear me cry waaaahhhh!
Take this town gonna trike up a storm
Three long years since the day I was born
Round and round let’s trike up a storm
Three big wheels and ready for more
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13. |
Carpeted Floor
02:48
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Mickey PG and The Overshare Boston, Massachusetts
I write and perform ridiculous and occasionally serious songs. I'm donating 100% of my revenue share from this site to Feeding America. Thank you for feeding needing families whilst rocking out ridiculously.
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