Pardon me, may I be excused?
Man I've really gotta go, so if the bathroom's not in use
My bladder is empty, my bowels are too
Don't have to shit but still I sit
And drop my pants and think of you
Relationships are so much work
I can't deal with how we feel, you're so right to say I'm a jerk
Dating and mating are so very fine
But love and romance can kind of cross the line
And sometimes I just wanna be by myself
Alone in my bedroom with porno on the shelf

I've gotta take a number three
Because I know that I love me and to myself I'll faithful be
So let me take my number three
Because I know that I love me and to myself I'll faithful be

Don't have to take my hand to dinner
Or to the store I know I'll score whatever happens I'm a winner
I'm a puddle you're an ocean
I can't deal with these emotions, someone get me some hand lotion
You and me have lots of issues
But let's not shout we'll work them out but first I gotta find some tissues
The bladder that's holding my libido is filled to the brim I've really gotta go
Self-marriage I must consummate
So let's all go and masturbate

I've gotta take a number three
Because I know that I love me and to myself I'll faithful be
So let me take my number three
When you tell me I don't suit you, Joycelyn Elders, I salute you
Gotta take a number three
Because I know that I love me and to myself I'll faithful be