Well I met you first day senior year; from the hallway you appeared
You were late to English, it was past 8:30
You caught attention from the class; as you swayed that lovely ass
As you walked down the aisle, and took a seat next to me
When I saw that perfect girl; all the others made me hurl
I knew I had to have you, or I couldn’t go on living
Later on that very day; my heart raced when I heard you say
I want you… to lend me your graphing calculator
Most people I wouldn’t trust; except for those I was in lust
I said okay, I don’t really need it anyway
I did pre cal in my head; because I wanted you in bed
If you think that’s easy, then you’re fucking stupid
I handed in assignments late; then asked you out on a date
And you… said… no

So give me back my calculator so I can subtract my love
My heart, my soul, my love, my tears: you’re none of the above
I don’t wanna make a fuss; just my TI-83 Plus
Put it in my locker, and leave me alone

How can you not want me; with my 1500 SATs
Plus I can quote Shakespeare, and I’m really good at scrabble
“Lord, what fools these mortals be;” triple word score on “quartzy”
How can you not want me, I’m really really attractive
You said, “see that’s just what I mean; you’re the biggest nerd I’ve ever seen”
I said “that really offends me, and I might just cry”
You called me gay, I called you dumb; you’re 17 and you suck your thumb
My diagnosis: a severe oral fixation
You said, “shut up, you little freak; I only suck dick once a week
And I’d never suck yours, not in a million years”
I said, “Baby, that’s okay; I don’t want you anyway”
I’ll never speak to you again, there’s just one thing I need

So give me back my calculator so I can subtract my love
My heart, my soul, my love, my tears: you’re none of the above
I don’t wanna make a fuss; just my TI-83 Plus
Put it in my locker, and leave me alone